A  Pray of Repentance

Psalm 51King James Version (KJV)

51 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.

2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.

4 Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.

5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.

7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.

9 Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.

12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

13 Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.

15 O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.

16 For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

18 Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

 


 

Ash Wednesday

IMG_2309Today is Ash Wednesday and as we hurry to church for the father to place ashes on our forehead he mumble these words “dust thou art and unto dust you shalt return” but we don’t pay much attention to the words because we are only there for the ashes and to get our penance going. But if we were to stop and focus on the words then we would have to think about death and that isn’t something we like to worry ourselves about, but death is only a reminder of not to sin. So as we go into these forty days of penance remember there are three basic practices of lent.

Pray: Raising our hearts and mind to God.

Fasting: Abstain from things like food, drinks, habit or behavior.

Almsgiving: Try to focus on ways we can help someone in greater need perhaps don’t buy little things we think we need for the forty days, and give that money to someone in need or the church.

Lent is a season of rebirth so whatever you do or give up this season make sure it’s something that we discipline ourselves so that we may grow and become more like Christ in our attitude towards God and one another. God is good. 

Connect As One

 Toothless, hair out of place you look different, all of that shouldn’t  matter because that’s not who we are. In this world we chase after lies and love what is worthless, judge each other on appearance and how we live, we never give our neighbor a chance if they don’t look or act like us we turn them away . Before it was hard for me to except someone that was different or I didn’t understand I didn’t want to be around them and I choose not to be bother. 

There are a lot of thoughts I deal with every day, people always say they “have to stay on top of my game” literally , I do because every day is different I could get up this morning and be so happy , my day is bright ahead of me even if you say the worse thing to me, I will smile and say no worries or it could be the opposite, sad and I have no idea what it’s all about. Like a year ago every time I am alone home or close my eyes I will see this man waiting for me I don’t know how I know that he is waiting I just know, at first I was scared, I talk to my friend about it and she didn’t know what to make of it and also I find he was very faint at first but the more I talk about him he would get more apparent , he also would stay in the in between holding his hands drop in front of him and staring at me in the distant.

So one day I was watching tv and I heard Joel Osteen say “what you are thinking do not bring it to light” that’s when I realize it was all in my mind I had to get but into church and I did. I know I have to keep my thoughts fixed on God,  I am confident that everything is going to be ok even if I am sad or thinking to hard about anything I will say to myself it’s going to be ok. And that’s what I live by each and every day. I find now as I’m moving towards God I had to change a lot of things , as you know being of this world the flesh is weak and as much as we try to do right and live by his commandment sometimes  it’s seen so hard and I wonder, how can I give so much power to a diet?  or even going without eating anything sweet for a whole year and can’t commit to  one commandment. So I pray a lot for this and I find comfort in it. I see clearly now,  like I am not mad if any disappointments  come my way I’m very grateful for them and my blessing . I try very hard to be understanding to every one feelings, doing this full me and I am happy in that moment. I dream one day that I was waiting for the train in the station it was an outside over head station and the train was coming towards me but, soon as it gets near it started to crumble the wind was so strong  everything was just crumbling or turning to dust, so I decided to run down the stairs but I couldn’t get out. I try so hard holding on to the walls but the walls started to crumble too and I felt the wind on my skin I got so scared first I was along and I didn’t know what was happening , all of a sudden I was floating in the air and I felt a peacefulness , it was like a very warm peaceful feeling  that take over my body  and right there I wasn’t scare any more all I feel was that peace I didn’t know anything else but that I didn’t remember anything about being scared.  Even when I awake I still feel a little bit of it. So I took that as a sign as no worries everything is going to be ok no matter how things turn out good or better it’s still ok.

To be able to have a conversation with my last son about God and for him to ask me questions about him is my icing on the cake, I see he is finding his way and I know he will be bless. Every time we are together that’s mostly what we talk about I feel so much power we connect on a lot of levels and in the moment everything look bright and I can see a little further. I am getting to understand the way of our father a little more now I know I have a long way but, I’m on my way. When ever we are ready we can follow him it’s all up to us  he don’t  force us , but when the time comes he is there with open arms. His world is one big connection and we all fit in it as one, if only we can find that connection in each other. But until we truly know who we are and our purpose in life then we will love one another as ourself God is great.

MY Gran Gran’s Coffee

It was five of us growing up and my gran gran would always give us coffee first thing in the morning right after we brush our teeth. She would pound the coffee beans in a mortar pestle and then brew it in a small sliver coffee pot, then she pour it in a cup and give it to us, not to strong and slightly sweetened, and  just enough to taste the love. I remember drinking coffee from the time when I was ten, I know that is a pretty young age to be drinking coffee but my gran gran coming form St.Lucia and I guess they do things differently, but let me tell you that was the best tasting cup of coffee I ever taste. Being drinking it for so long I was hook I had to do something and giving it up was out of the question, this is the only piece of memory I hold on to of my grandmother, so I decided to find a place for it and knowing how much she love going to church, this lady would go to morning mass and midnight mass and by the way she was in her eighties, so now I only drink it in the Lenten season which is great, with every sip I take she is right next to me enjoying every bit of it, thank gran gran God bless.IMG_2610

Meditation

So today I’m about to start my workout but I will have to push myself , I decided to meditate instead . I prepare myself  laying out my mat, got my tea  and I even put some lemon and clove in a bowl of hot water instead of  burning a candle.Then I got my face towel that was in the freezer and I proceed to start my music for relaxation. As I lay on my mat in total darkness I began to thank the lord,  for all the blessings he place upon me, my family and friends then I began praying. Our father in heaven hallowed be thy name, I repeated this three times  and  felt very heavy like I was about to cry but didn’t ,I continued and finished the lords pray. I pray for all the kids dying everyday the ones that got taken from their family and those suffering. For the first time I felt he was there and he was really listening to me.Then I saw myself trying to move but I couldn’t, so I started asking  him to open our hearts and show us it’s ok to put down the GUNS the HATE the DISLIKES the ANGER the JEALOUSY and pray, like Daniel (from the Bible) pray three times a day. Then I hear myself asking for clarity knowing  I had to keep my head straight because that’s where the path is not to the left or right, but I kept going off to the left and to right and I kept telling myself follow the sound of the music, and there I saw myself running knowing there’s something ahead of me that I couldn’t see clearly, something is blocking me.I started to smell the clove the heaviness had left and feeling a little lighter now I said Lord, show me the ways to walk in your path, that’s how I want to go, slowly I tilt  my head to the right and I smelt the food I had on the stove, and knowing it would be ok because someone will take care of it,  I kept thinking about it and the smell kept getting stronger and stronger. Then I heard myself say take three deep breaths and slowly breath out then slowly remove your face towel , God blessed.

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This is what i made for lunch!!

Inner Peace

Inner peace…. is it as simple as saying peace be with you or is there such a thing. Do I have to go deep down inside to find it? Is it being aware and knowing that everything is going to be ok without a doubt. Knowing that there is someone near with the sense of  warm comfort that you’re not alone. Being able to guide yourself in a way that no one can’t would be beautiful, with the understanding that everyone are equally the same just with a little shade of fault. And if our faults comes in different colors would that be ok ? Would we be able to pass that peace on to one another? With every hand shake,  hug, smile, and every kiss? Would we be able to sincerely hold on to that and feel the warm comfort, that we are not alone and that someone is always near guiding us in that path, so we truly can find that peace. God bless have a great day as always take your water.IMG_1970