Toothless, hair out of place you look different, all of that shouldn’t matter because that’s not who we are. In this world we chase after lies and love what is worthless, judge each other on appearance and how we live, we never give our neighbor a chance if they don’t look or act like us we turn them away . Before it was hard for me to except someone that was different or I didn’t understand I didn’t want to be around them and I choose not to be bother.
There are a lot of thoughts I deal with every day, people always say they “have to stay on top of my game” literally , I do because every day is different I could get up this morning and be so happy , my day is bright ahead of me even if you say the worse thing to me, I will smile and say no worries or it could be the opposite, sad and I have no idea what it’s all about. Like a year ago every time I am alone home or close my eyes I will see this man waiting for me I don’t know how I know that he is waiting I just know, at first I was scared, I talk to my friend about it and she didn’t know what to make of it and also I find he was very faint at first but the more I talk about him he would get more apparent , he also would stay in the in between holding his hands drop in front of him and staring at me in the distant.
So one day I was watching tv and I heard Joel Osteen say “what you are thinking do not bring it to light” that’s when I realize it was all in my mind I had to get but into church and I did. I know I have to keep my thoughts fixed on God, I am confident that everything is going to be ok even if I am sad or thinking to hard about anything I will say to myself it’s going to be ok. And that’s what I live by each and every day. I find now as I’m moving towards God I had to change a lot of things , as you know being of this world the flesh is weak and as much as we try to do right and live by his commandment sometimes it’s seen so hard and I wonder, how can I give so much power to a diet? or even going without eating anything sweet for a whole year and can’t commit to one commandment. So I pray a lot for this and I find comfort in it. I see clearly now, like I am not mad if any disappointments come my way I’m very grateful for them and my blessing . I try very hard to be understanding to every one feelings, doing this full me and I am happy in that moment. I dream one day that I was waiting for the train in the station it was an outside over head station and the train was coming towards me but, soon as it gets near it started to crumble the wind was so strong everything was just crumbling or turning to dust, so I decided to run down the stairs but I couldn’t get out. I try so hard holding on to the walls but the walls started to crumble too and I felt the wind on my skin I got so scared first I was along and I didn’t know what was happening , all of a sudden I was floating in the air and I felt a peacefulness , it was like a very warm peaceful feeling that take over my body and right there I wasn’t scare any more all I feel was that peace I didn’t know anything else but that I didn’t remember anything about being scared. Even when I awake I still feel a little bit of it. So I took that as a sign as no worries everything is going to be ok no matter how things turn out good or better it’s still ok.
To be able to have a conversation with my last son about God and for him to ask me questions about him is my icing on the cake, I see he is finding his way and I know he will be bless. Every time we are together that’s mostly what we talk about I feel so much power we connect on a lot of levels and in the moment everything look bright and I can see a little further. I am getting to understand the way of our father a little more now I know I have a long way but, I’m on my way. When ever we are ready we can follow him it’s all up to us he don’t force us , but when the time comes he is there with open arms. His world is one big connection and we all fit in it as one, if only we can find that connection in each other. But until we truly know who we are and our purpose in life then we will love one another as ourself God is great.